Hi Family! Long time no talk! How have you all been? I just know by now that self-love/care is not even a thought and we are living with love and intention in 2021. Speaking of 2021, can you believe it is March? I mean, where has the time gone? Did you see the new Coming 2 America, comment below and let me know what you thought? I sincerely hope that everyone is being safe during this pandemic, taking each day as it comes, and being gentle with yourself.
Now, if you would have asked me six months ago where I would be today, let me tell you, I would have never guessed I would be where I am right at this moment. The universe has a way of putting us exactly where we need to be to ensure that we receive the messages that we have been ignoring, or just not ready to receive.
Over the past several months I have been getting message after message, sign after sign, and lesson after lesson, but the one message that really sticks out to me came directly from my therapist's mouth.
I realized that I was not as "healed" as I thought I was. I was outwardly keeping it together when inside I was still grieving a loss, not fully healed from past situations, living on the defense, not setting boundaries, not speaking up in fear of ruffling feathers, and the list goes on and on. What I realized was that I have been going through the motions, and suppressing a lot of shit. Why? The answer is literally for everyone else. I was trying to keep it together because it's pretty, because it is easy, and it is what women, especially black women are expected to do. What we do not talk about is how ugly and painful the healing process actually is. Dealing with triggers, trauma, loss, disappointments, and hurt is painful and extremely unattractive. It is much easier to just suppress all the bad stuff until it boils over, and the ability to suppress is no longer an option. To make matters worse, I did not know who I was without my trauma and baggage, and my identity was so intertwined with hurt and pain that the thought of being completely healed was scarier than just living life as the hurt version of myself.
What brought me here? Well, I lost my best friend. No, they did not pass away, but we are no longer friends anymore, and it sucks. Literally, what do you do when the person that you tell everything to, the one person that you can be your fully transparent self with is gone? It is a hard pill to swallow, but after all this time I decided to fix myself and be my own best friend. My therapist asked me, "What would your life look like if you put into yourself what you so freely give away to others?" When I tell you that my mind was blown and my jaw was probably on the floor, I could not even answer the question at that moment, because it sent me through a roller coaster of emotions. I thought, how bad of shape am I in that my first thought has never been to fill my cup first?
I think about other words of wisdom that my therapist bestowed upon me, especially dealing with the hurt, and trying to heal from things that have transpired over the last several months. I think about what had to happen for me to truly start my journey to healing and to really finding myself. It hit me like a ton of bricks. One of the hardest relationships I had to let go of, has brought me to one of the most rewarding and healing journeys of my life. I finally decided to choose myself.
I was really compelled to write this evening but with no clear direction for this post. What I do want to share is, perspective is everything. How we look at our situations can make all the difference. No matter where you are in your journey, always choose YOU. Choose to be the best you that you can be, and heal.
Check out the article I found below on how to support your healing journey.
1. Honor Your Pain. Avoidance of pain increases it. To heal, you must pass through the doorway of grief. Emotional wounds are beyond “sadness”; they’re felt in the depths of your being. Honor your pain; don’t run from it. Unplug, put time aside to reflect, and give yourself permission to grieve. If well-meaning people push you to “Get over it,” ignore them. Time and patience are key to recovery. Surround yourself with friends who understand that.
2. Reach Out. Being alone is part of healing, but long periods of isolation are unhealthy. Deep pain always brings out personal demons, such as blaming yourself, embracing victimhood, or bitterness. Such choices breed entrapment, not freedom. Reach out to friends, find support groups or twelve-step programs, seek comfort in prayer, meditation, or philosophy—whatever brings you peace of mind. Instead of longing for a miracle, create one.
3. Take a Break. It’s important to take a break from your pain, and engage in healthy compartmentalization. Everyone finds relief in different ways. Some find it creative activities such as writing, reading, music, art, or movies. Others find it in movement such as dance, hiking, long walks, etc. Choose a task that allows you to escape by stepping into another reality, even if it’s only for a few moments. Don’t fret: Your pain will be waiting for you when you get back, but you’ll be better fortified, rested, and ready to face it.
4. Learn from It. I’ve heard it said that the road to wisdom is paved with suffering. Reflecting, exploring, and pondering, without self-attack or blame, opens you up to greater understanding and compassion for yourself and others. An attitude of learning will help you unearth value in the experience. You may also discover curious new freedom: Recovering from emotional trauma or heartbreak makes you stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
5. Move On. Some people allow suffering to define them, shape them, and, ultimately, rob them of living. Many years ago, I was invited to attend a wedding between two widows in their 90’s. Every person who attended was deeply moved, not by the service, but by the spirit of the couple to keep living. After you give yourself time to grieve and mourn after you reach out to others for support and make space for your recovery, you have to make a decision: Will you allow emotional pain to hold you back, or will you decide to use it to propel you in a new direction?
What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle. Rumi.
Check out me in my happy place. The sky. Comment below and let me know how your 2021 is going so far, and please share my blog with a friend. Let's expand the Nautical Tripper Family. Talk soon.
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